Maybe I should start blogging again

I guess now that I'm officially married and have been since July, I should probably do what boring married people do best. Spill my uncensored thoughts online in what I would proclaim as an "edgy and inspiring heartfelt journal of my life-musings" Sound about right? Yeah, I thought so.

Anyway. This year has been a busy one. Besides getting married. I got a promotion, then later found another job. I also bought a new car and sold my truck that I kept for 10 years! So wouldn't you think that life is just peachy? Well it is, but really, my new job has given me a lot of time to think about just how important work really is in the larger picture. It isn't. It's just a job, it's how you pay your bills. It's your life that's really important. So I've recently began attempting to figure out what I really want to do with my life. That's the hard part.

I had a bunch of goals as a kid: Graduate college, get a good paying job, buy a house, get the car that I've been drooling over, date a lot of hot girls, and marry the most beautiful one inside and out and then have kids. A couple months ago, I realized that I had accomplished all my goals, well minus the kids part. I thought to myself "is this it? What do I do now?" I couldn't really think of anything. So here I am today, thinking again, is this it? I know it's not, but why don't I see the next step. I mean technically, I could just do what I am doing and just coast through life, but the ego inside of me makes me want to do something, anything that has some sort of meaning, something that will make me say at the end of my life "my life mattered"

We're all so insignificant when you really think about how big the world or even the universe is. This insignificance can sometimes put me in a rut. I want to feel like I was put here for something. I mean to be an engineer and buy a nice car and get married, is that why I was put here? Anybody could've done that. What am I supposed to do? I suppose I need to ask God. In all honesty, that scares me. What if I don't hear an answer, what if I don't like what I hear? I mean I'd hate to hear that my purpose was to be a run-of-the-mill regular person, who didn't really apply himself most of his life, but once he brought some sad person true happiness. Sure that's great in all, but I still want to think that I was put here for something more.

I guess somebody might tell me, life is what I make of it. So maybe my ultimate goal should be really be to just live in the moment and see the glass half full. Maybe today, that will be my first step. Today is a good day.

Home Taxes

I'm even more excited about building a home now because I just found out that if I finish building my house in January 2008, I will not have to pay the full property taxes (accessed in January 2008) until June of 2009 for the 2009 tax year! I will have to pay taxes based on the lot value in June of 2008, but that will be closer to 25% of the taxes based on the home's value plus the lot!

So to summarize all the useful information I have learned so far:

• The tax you pay in 2008 is for the tax accrued in 2007
• Property tax is normally 2.25-3% of the accessed market value
• Primary Mortgage Insurance (PMI) will be charged if you pay any amount under 20% down payment. It will be less, the more you put down.
• Interest paid on your mortgage is tax deductible
  
  For example on a 200,000 property with 20% down, you'll pay $10,680 in interest, meaning you can deduct that amount from your taxable income for federal taxes. This means you'll get about $1560 back in taxes!
  
  

100%

I am 100% out of it today. I've been mentally preoccupied (contemplating) all day and at the same time trying to keep my composure at work. Too many things are going on in my brain and I can't even verbalize what is going on up there!

I went to lunch with some co-workers today and one asked me what I was thinking on the ride over. And I was like "nothing, absolutely nothing, that sky sure is blue!!!!!" And then I continued the joke as if my mind was empty. They fell for it, but during lunch another coworker was like "you sure are quiet today" and I said "I'm just looking forward to the weekend." She asked what I was doing and I said "nothing." She asked why would I look forward to that and I said "it's not the week" but inside, I thought, am I really looking forward to the weekend? No, I'm not looking forward to anything.

If I can't get this house, I'm going to throw in the towel for a few years and go to grad school. This is what I've decided. I am better off when I am using my brain and I need to use my brain or else I will feel this way forever. So many things are not the way I'd like them to be, but I need to change the ones I can, and getting a Master's is one of those things.

There's nothing really wrong with my life. It's really going well, I just want to improve it. I am a perfectionist in a lot of ways. When it comes to my goals, if I don't do it right, then I might as well not do it at all. I'm not doing it right at this moment. So I'm going to change that.

Life is too complicated for words, too intricate to express, and too beautiful to realize it. I've just got to take things one step at a time and sit back and try to appreciate all the things I have going for me, no matter how bad it may seem temporarily, temporary is all that it is.