Money

Why does money have such a great importance in my life? I wish I could figure that one out. Is it because there are so many "things" that I give such a high importance? Is it because I don't like the feeling that if something, anything, happened that I didn't plan It could put me in the poor house? Or is it because I just feel like I could do so much better for myself and my future?

I guess it's probably a combination of those things and a few more. I wish I could just stop worrying about it though. Something keeps nagging me that life just isn't right where I am. And the only things I can really think that I am worried about just boil down to money. I didn't get a raise this year. I may get laid off. I need a new car (well want). Motorcycles are so fun, and I want a more reliable one. I want kids, but they're expensive. I want to get married some day, but engagement rings and weddings are expensive. My house doesn't have a deck, seeded back yard, enough windows, and the hot water in the shower sucks. My sink drains, also, don't drain very well. So much for buying "new" to avoid the problems of an old house. I feel like I need to upgrade already because many things don't work as well as they did in my apartment and aesthetically, I feel depressed because I can't afford to buy the visually appealing upgrades that I want. I want to travel and get away from everything I've known my whole life. I want to hide in my own box. I don't want to fail. So I don't want to try. I want to exist without worry.

Why do I let so many things bother me? I have a girlfriend that loves me deeply. My whole family is healthy and happy. I am an engineer. Most people would love to have a job that pays as well as mine out of college. But I want more. Why? Why can't I just be happy. It's money. I know it now. Money is said to be the root of all evil, but for me it is just the root of my sadness.