Why does money have such a great importance in my life? I wish I could figure that one out. Is it because there are so many "things" that I give such a high importance? Is it because I don't like the feeling that if something, anything, happened that I didn't plan It could put me in the poor house? Or is it because I just feel like I could do so much better for myself and my future?
I guess it's probably a combination of those things and a few more. I wish I could just stop worrying about it though. Something keeps nagging me that life just isn't right where I am. And the only things I can really think that I am worried about just boil down to money. I didn't get a raise this year. I may get laid off. I need a new car (well want). Motorcycles are so fun, and I want a more reliable one. I want kids, but they're expensive. I want to get married some day, but engagement rings and weddings are expensive. My house doesn't have a deck, seeded back yard, enough windows, and the hot water in the shower sucks. My sink drains, also, don't drain very well. So much for buying "new" to avoid the problems of an old house. I feel like I need to upgrade already because many things don't work as well as they did in my apartment and aesthetically, I feel depressed because I can't afford to buy the visually appealing upgrades that I want. I want to travel and get away from everything I've known my whole life. I want to hide in my own box. I don't want to fail. So I don't want to try. I want to exist without worry.
Why do I let so many things bother me? I have a girlfriend that loves me deeply. My whole family is healthy and happy. I am an engineer. Most people would love to have a job that pays as well as mine out of college. But I want more. Why? Why can't I just be happy. It's money. I know it now. Money is said to be the root of all evil, but for me it is just the root of my sadness.
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Monday, October 1, 2007
Weekend, The
Friday was pretty uneventful. Kristin and I hung out, but we didn't really do anything besides watch TV. I ordered pizza and ate it. It was good.
Saturday we went shopping for a track jacket for myself. I found one that I liked a bit and it was on sale for only $30, but Kristin wasn't digging it so we didn't get it. The other ones I saw were around $70, yikes!!! After that we did the whole youth group leader thing and I brought donuts. They were hyper little boogers and they also scratched up one of those thin plastic table cloths. I told them to stop, but at the same time, I was remembering how I used to do that so I kept laughing and they took it as a sign of my approval. ooops. I guess I'm a little immature for my age! After all that fun, Kristin and I went to a haunted house with 3 separate attractions. Kristin got scared, I keep talking to the people running around trying to scare us. Only once did I jump slightly. It was fun though!
On Sunday Kristin and I bought two pumpkins to carve since they were on sale at the local grocery store. After that We went to Oktoberfest at Lynfred Winery and walked around the area and looked at some of the older architecture. We then rented a few scary movies to watch. Kristin got scared again, but I was A-OK. Kristin even got scared of Dino, her beloved stuffed dinosaur. But after some coaxing she came to love him again. I was worried because Dino was the first "sweet" gift I got her and if she didn't like it anymore I'd have been sad :(
But on a sad note. during that weekend a friend of mine called off his wedding a week before it's scheduled date. I dunno what happened, but I'm sure there are some very hurt people. And I hope that their emotional wounds will heal over quickly.
Saturday we went shopping for a track jacket for myself. I found one that I liked a bit and it was on sale for only $30, but Kristin wasn't digging it so we didn't get it. The other ones I saw were around $70, yikes!!! After that we did the whole youth group leader thing and I brought donuts. They were hyper little boogers and they also scratched up one of those thin plastic table cloths. I told them to stop, but at the same time, I was remembering how I used to do that so I kept laughing and they took it as a sign of my approval. ooops. I guess I'm a little immature for my age! After all that fun, Kristin and I went to a haunted house with 3 separate attractions. Kristin got scared, I keep talking to the people running around trying to scare us. Only once did I jump slightly. It was fun though!
On Sunday Kristin and I bought two pumpkins to carve since they were on sale at the local grocery store. After that We went to Oktoberfest at Lynfred Winery and walked around the area and looked at some of the older architecture. We then rented a few scary movies to watch. Kristin got scared again, but I was A-OK. Kristin even got scared of Dino, her beloved stuffed dinosaur. But after some coaxing she came to love him again. I was worried because Dino was the first "sweet" gift I got her and if she didn't like it anymore I'd have been sad :(
But on a sad note. during that weekend a friend of mine called off his wedding a week before it's scheduled date. I dunno what happened, but I'm sure there are some very hurt people. And I hope that their emotional wounds will heal over quickly.
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